Read on to learn about: why replacing blaming with cultural intelligence in business is just better business. Why we blame and what that says about how we feel. How blaming others in miscommunication at work is a waste of time and what to do to save time at work.
You explain what you want but you never get what you explained. And it’s all their fault.
Well that was easy. The problem has been detected, the blame has been assigned, we have talked to them and they have promised there will be no more issues.
But of course there are always more issues. And then you start the blame game again in a never ending cycle of frustration, unmet deadlines and “they f%”*ing did it again!”
It doesn’t matter who you deal with you always come to the same conclusions: person A is a good worker, person B is a lazy bastard. And why? Well, because person A works like you, and person B doesn’t. So the common factor here is.. you. But since, in general, we prefer to look outwards instead of inwards, you keep on blaming.
A Note on Blaming
Here's what Dr. Brené Brown, researcher and author (think TED and Oprah), says about blame:
Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability by definition is a vulnerable process. It means me calling you and saying, 'Hey my feelings were really hurt about this.' And talking is not blaming. Blaming is simply a way that we discharge anger.
So the more you blame, the more you are saying “nope, not my fault” – the less accountable you are making yourself for the situation. But when you communicate, the other person isn’t talking to themselves (at least I hope not), they’re talking to YOU. So by default you are part of the situation and part of its success or failure – because all communication is bidirectional. In short, you can't escape blame.
But why exactly is it all our fault when there is someone else who is also making mistakes? Well, because the one who is getting angry and frustrated is you. If you are able to respond effectively to the situation and find a solution that benefits everyone then you wouldn’t be angry and you wouldn’t feel the need to blame.
Moving from Blame to Results
That’s where I want to get you to, to the point of responding effectively, not blaming and therefore a point of no anger and, eventually, results. To do this we have to go back to the starting point – to you. The best way to start reducing your anger and frustration is to focus on yourself, specifically on discovering what behaviors make you angry and then asking yourself why. But asking yourself why until you get to a “no-blame” answer. And then analyzing what you could have done differently to have a different outcome. Then create an action plan to do things better/differently next time and pay attention to the results. Think of this like a quality audit on communication: you analyze situations, find points of improvement or failure/success, find what went wrong or right and try to eliminate issues and focus on what works.
By: Shiva Roofeh
6. 3. 2
That's 6 countries, 3 languages and 2 religions. Expat, immigrant, refugee, TCK, there are lots of things you can call me, but I prefer Shiva.